What if...
What if, one day, you woke up and decided to say exactly what you meant in every conversation you had? How different would your life be?
I’ve come to realize there have been countless times in my life where the giant elephant is in the room and no one is willing to bring up its existence. But why? Why can’t I say exactly what needs to be said? Why can’t I bring up something that everyone’s thinking anyway?
Fear. Fear is what drives that aching feeling inside that tells you to stay silent. Fear of not being liked. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of being shamed. Fear of being judged.
This type of hushed demeanor robs you of all power. The avoidance to talk about deep, meaningful subjects, no matter how uncomfortable they might be, leads to a road filled with self-doubt and confusion, not to mention the feeling of being paralyzed by fear. Trust me, I’ve been there.
I was in a 4-year marriage that was filled with manipulation and gaslighting that left me to feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells around the many elephants in the room. I was in a chronic state of anxiety and depression that was masked as confusion that filled me with deep shame. More to come on that later, but what I realized after I left was how many other areas in my life were controlled by the things I “couldn’t” say.
The sad thing is, I’m not the only one with this type of story.
“When there is an invisible elephant in the room, one is from time to time bound to trip over a trunk.”
― Karen Joy Fowler, We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves
Tripping over the trunks of the elephant in the room has taken away the power of countless individuals to leave them wondering where their identities lie. It has led them to believe there’s no other way, and this is how life has to be. It all comes down to what we feel we cannot discuss. It’s a dance around the same subjects, except no one knows the moves, no one is leading the dance, and all the lights are on to make everything super awkward.
This is not how we were meant to live.
I no longer live in fear. I do not let fear control what I say, do, or don’t do. I control my life now, and it’s more attainable than you think.
Is it uncomfortable and sometimes a little frightening? You betcha! Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY.
True freedom comes from being honest and authentic in everything you do. I also know I classify the best times in my life as the times where I’ve been extremely vulnerable with those around me. These are situations when I was hesitant to share because of what others may think of me, but did it anyway. It was terrifying, and daunting, but it was worth it.
Every. Single. Time.
Vulnerability is scary, to say the least. So much so, I’m pondering what to say and what I should leave out of this blog. Then I think about myself a year ago. That scared, confused girl who needed someone to understand her in the moment. She needed someone who had gone through it before to show her the way and tell her there is still hope. That’s where I find my answer: Do it for her.
If my incredibly messy story can help just one person, it’s worth it.
When I got a divorce, I realized how much I had been holding inside for years. I realized I had no idea how to be myself because the self I once knew was completely gone. When I looked in the mirror, I saw someone I didn’t recognize. Therefore, I started over. I rebuilt my old self, brick by brick, into a version of myself I had never seen before: Someone who was strong and wise and wasn’t afraid to tell people no. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t pretty (We’re talking a LOT of ugly tears shed), but it was worth it. Every single time I questioned if I was doing the right thing, I would remind myself all I had to do was show up and put one foot in front of the other.
This all has led me to where I am today. It has lead me to point out the elephants that sneak into a room on any given day, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem. Do you ever wish we could just come out and talk about your shit instead of hold everything inside? I refuse to believe I’m the only one who wishes the norm was different. The type of freedom I have found by bringing up the elephant in the room cannot be confined by any circumstance or human opinion. This freedom is now a part of me that creates fulfillment and joy, even on the days when things don’t go my way.
I am creating this blog as a safe haven for thoughts and ideas I thought I couldn't share.
Want to get down to the nitty gritty? You’ve come to the right place. Want to point out things in life that no one talks about but everyone sees? Me, too! Follow me as I open doors to what has been locked inside for years.
Along the way, I will be discussing every type of elephant in the room. Some posts will be as deep as the inner workings of mental health and some entries will be as light as always choosing dessert first. No matter what topic, I hope you’ll find the posts to bring you comfort, or to open your eyes to a new perspective on life itself.
I will promise you this: every blog post will be authentic and real.
I am a believer that if I want to make some sort of change in this world, I can’t act like this world. You’re going to see me with no filter. You might wonder why I didn’t put makeup on for these photos or spend at least 10 minutes on my hair, and for those questions, I’ll give you three reasons:
Reason 1: This is me: My true self. I’ve spent years not being my true self and it’s gotten me to a place full of anxiety and self-doubt. I’m working hard to be myself every day, and create a better, stronger self from that.
Reasons 2 and 3:
These are my sweet, precious nieces: Lucy and Ruby. They are about to grow up in a world full of peer pressure and social media that tells them they are not good enough. They are about to grow up in a world that tells them they should look like airbrushed models, or that they need to fit into a size 0 to be considered beautiful. They’ll be told that their identities lie in the amount of Instagram likes and not by how kind they were to the stranger they just helped. I want to be there for them to tell them their beauty is not defined by their outward appearance and they are strong and lovable just how they are.
That being said, I’m not about to apologize for that too-real post about depression and I’m not going to apologize for blemishes on my face.
What you see is what you get: unapologetically me.
So here we are: The end of the beginning. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read my first blog post.
Shit’s about to get real.
Until next time,